


Under My Skin/The Mechs Go Camping

by yalejosie



Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: Bickering, Camping, Families of Choice, Fluff, Gen, HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE STOWAWAYS SERVER/MECHSCORD, Humor, The Mechanisms-Typical Violence, bc they do get a bit stabby lmao, fuck it im making it a tag now, mechscord shenanigans, more like asshole family of choice lmao, sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:06:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27078520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yalejosie/pseuds/yalejosie
Summary: The Mechs go camping after Ashes and Jonny make a bet. The outcome of this trip, unsurprisingly, isn't pretty. Featuring getting stabbed over marshmallows, fighting a bear, and getting hit by a bolt of lighting because of sheer hubris.
Comments: 17
Kudos: 53





	Under My Skin/The Mechs Go Camping

**Author's Note:**

> HI! So I wrote this for two reasons!
> 
> A) The Mechscord makes me laugh unreasonably hard. Shoutout to everyone who McElroy'ed the shit out of "What if the Mechs went camping?" and to everyone there in general. Yall rule.
> 
> B) I have Many Fic Plans, but wanted to write a fun practice fic to get the characterization down before writing serious stuff. 
> 
> Special shoutout to @lucky-sevens on tumblr/@Blue_Rive on ao3 for betaing!!! Thank you for being so kind, and also for being such an amazing friend in general!!! And now, enjoy shenanigans!

It all started with a bet. Jonny, Ashes, and Marius were playing cards together. It was a convoluted mess of war, blackjack, and poker, and somehow all three crewmates were cheating. During the many rounds of the game, the three of them made petty swipes at each other, as they were wont to do. Jonny was in the middle of telling a tall tale of a particularly interesting war he had participated in on some backwater planet. 

“Y’know, we had to make camp each night on that godforsaken planet. I always had the best campsite, of course. Couldn’t have stupid mortal soldiers beat me, after all.” Jonny boasted. 

Ashes gave out a painfully sarcastic laugh, and replied, “Please. You, best camp? I bet if you had to make a camp right now, you’d be dead by the end of the night.”

A dangerous glint entered Jonny’s eye. He was not the type to let such an obvious bet go uncalled. He had a reputation to keep up, after all. 

“That a bet, Ashes? Because if it is, I accept. I will make the best damn campsite this part of space has ever seen.”

Ashes looked at Jonny with a similarly dangerous glint in their eye. “What’s in it for me?”, they asked in a menacingly soft tone. 

Jonny sighed with, “I won’t wear three of my belts for two weeks.”

Marius, watching this whole spectacle go down intently, softly whistled. Everyone knew how fond Jonny was of his belts, and how much Ashes reviled them. All of a sudden, this bet had serious stakes. 

“Alright, deal.” Ashes answered after a tense pause. “So, what’s in it for you if you win? Besides proving me wrong, ‘course.”

Jonny flashed a maniacally giddy smile, and replied, “You have to call me Captain for two weeks.”

By now, more of the crew of the starship Aurora had entered the common room to watch the fireworks between Jonny and Ashes. They had all known each other for so long, all the crewmates had a sixth sense for when something exciting was happening on the ship. At Jonny’s declaration of what he wanted in return for winning, audible gasps and groans could be heard from throughout the common room. Ashes turned their head towards the other crewmates. They had considered refusing Jonny’s demands, and thus forfeiting the bet, but now the majority of the crew had seen what was happening. If they backed out now, they would get never ending shit for it. 

“Deal, D’ville. We can split up into two teams.” Ashes looked towards the other crewmates gathered in the common room, and asked, “Who wants to be on my team?”

Brian, Nastya, and Ivy raised their hands. Jonny muttered “traitor” under his breath darkly as Nastya asked Ashes, “What do we need to bring for your campsite?”

“Don’t worry about that yet, Nastya. We can figure that out once we know where this challenge is happening.”

“There’s a forest moon near here, I think. I vaguely remember burning half of it down with Ashes a while back” Marius piped up. 

Jonny nodded, and ordered Marius to give Brian the coordinates. Marius, while usually never one to cooperate, went with Brian into the engine room with a wild grin on his face. Half the crew were grinning wildly. Bets between Jonny and Ashes were always, if nothing else, incredibly entertaining. The added allure of being able to go camping was also there. While he Mechanisms were often unaffected by many things that made mortals happy, camping was one of those experiences that never got old. As the Aurora fixed onto the coordinates Brian plugged into her system, the crew got ready for some serious fun. 

\---

Nastya had never been camping before. This seemed like it would be an obvious thing, as she had been raised as Cyberian royalty. However, this was something she was loath to admit, as the crew had wrongly assumed she had. 

Raph had come up to her, talking excitedly about running experiments to find the exact amount of time to get a perfectly roasted marshmallow. When Raph had asked Nastya how she liked her marshmallows, Nastya had panickedly replied “Raw” in her characteristic deadpan. Raph had laughed, and replied that although it was an unusual choice, it was far better than burned. Nastya had no idea how to tell Raph that she had no idea what a marshmallow was. If she did, the crew would make their usual “bougie royal” jokes, and that was the last thing Nastya wanted to deal with. 

Nastya was already stressed enough about how in the world she was going to carry all the equipment required. As she would rather die a hundred deaths by bullet than ask what was required for camping again, Nastya had tried to figure it out herself. On her checklist were assorted electronic devices, along with a stove and a heater. Nastya didn’t know if it would get cold on this forest moon, but she wasn’t taking any chances. As Aurora entered the atmosphere of the moon, she gathered together everything on her checklist as the rest of the crew got ready to disembark.

\---

Everyone who hadn’t volunteered to camp with Ashes had been handed off to Jonny, which left the first mate with Tim, Raph, and Marius. The Toy Soldier hadn’t been claimed by either side, so it had been decided that it could join any team that struck its fancy at the time. Both sides already knew it was a fruitless exercise to try and get the Toy Soldier to stay with any one team for too long. 

As soon as the doors of the Aurora slid open with a small puff of steam, each side took their equipment and went to find a suitable spot to spend the night. Jonny’s team brought a raggedy but large tent, a few cans of spspam (space spam), and an unwarranted amount of confidence with them off the ship. Meanwhile Ashes, as quartermaster, had been much more prepared. They had gotten their team to gather a few small but sturdy tents, marshmallows, spot dogs (space hot dogs), an incredibly large quantity of matches, and waterproofing for the tents. Ashes and their team carried all these supplies to a convenient clearing located near the ship. Things seemed to be going off without a hitch. 

As they were setting up, Ashes realized they hadn’t seen Nastya. Where was she? Nastya usually didn’t participate in group activities like this, but had seemed determined to be there for the camping trip. Almost like she had something to prove. Still, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing for Nastya to stay behind on the Aurora. Maybe she had decided to have an impromptu date night with the ship. That last thought gave Ashes a small shudder. If that was the case, they were seriously pleased to be off the Aurora for the night. 

Then, as if Ashes’ thoughts had summoned her, Nastya came stumbling out of the ship. Her hands were filled with assorted wires and machines, many of the lines dragging behind her. Ashes tried to stifle a laugh as Nastya came up to her with a hilariously serious expression on her face. 

“Nastya, what the hell do you have there?” Ashes asked, their voice trembling with effort not to laugh.

“Supplies for camping. I got a stove, a heater, and a few machines that can detect movement. You never know what could come out from this forest. There could be bears, or worse, Jonny could come kill us all to sabotage us. We have to be prepared.”

It was at this moment that Ashes couldn’t take it anymore. They laughed long and hard, as Nastya stood by with a metallic blush on her face. 

“Nastya, seriously, have you ever been camping before? We don’t need all that, and besides, how the hell did you think we would be able to plug all that shit in anyways?”

Nastya’s blush became more pronounced. By the looks of it, she hadn’t thought that far ahead. 

Ashes decided to lay off a bit. They could understand missing out on stuff most people got to do when they had been younger. Ashes took Nastya under their arm, and persuaded her to come and properly help set up the campsite. 

\---

Raphaella had no idea how she had gotten roped into being on Jonny’s team. One minute, she had been laughing at Jonny and Ashes’ spat in the common room, and the next she had been claimed.

Before splitting off into their respective teams, Ivy had smugly told Raphaella that Ashes’ team had a 85% chance of winning the challenge. She also tossed in the 95% probability that if Jonny died, everyone else on his team would too. 

As a woman of science, Raphaella could tell when an experiment was destined to go awry. This challenge for Jonny seemed like the “Could Octokittens be Nonlethally Liquified?” experiment: tantalizing, yet impossible to achieve. 

Still, in 15% percent of Ivy’s scenarios, Jonny’s team, and by extension Raphaella’s team, won. And she had always gone to push the cutting edge of what was scientifically possible…. This challenge was no radioactivity experiment, but Raphaella would still fight like hell to create a positive outcome out of it. She would make sure that Ashes would rue the day they decided to let her be on Jonny’s team.

\---

Jonny’s campsite was a mess. However, no one on Jonny’s team was willing to admit that. They all thought they were doing a bang up job. Tim and Raphaella had been assigned to tent duty while Marius and Jonny went to search for kindling.

“Doesn’t the pole go in another hole, Tim?” Raphaella asked Tim as he struggled to shove a very large pole into a very small hole.

“Nah, if I put it in a larger hole than this, it would slide down. Trust me on this, I’ve pitched this tent before. Used it in some war on some planet a while back.”

The tent looked like it had been through a warzone, with small bullet holes tearing the cloth. 

Despite the suspicion that Tim was wrong, Raphaella decided to not comment on it. Arguing wouldn’t help at this moment. Besides, what was the worst that could happen from a misplaced pole?

“Fair enough, fair enough. However, I’m pretty sure that the other pole would go in this hole if you’re going to put that pole there”

Working together, Tim and Raphaella finally put together the tent. As they gazed as their handiwork, pride blooming in their chests, they shared a highfive. What they didn’t know was they had pitched it completely wrong, and that this fact would bite them in the ass.

\---

Now that Ashes’ camp was properly set up, everyone on theirr team was starting to settle in. Brian had decided to be in charge of grilling the spot dogs, despite thinly veiled threats from Ashes. 

“Ashes, there is no way you’re grilling the spot dogs.” 

“Brian, c’mon, just let me near the fi-”

“The rules of the ship are that you are not allowed in the kitchen. This may not be the ship, but the outcome of you being near both food and fire will be the same: no food and plenty of uncontrolled flames”

Ashes mumbled about how controlled flames were no fun, but they backed off. 

Brian had been set to EJM before he had gotten off the ship. However, that only doubled his resolve to keep Ashes away from the spot dogs. The ends, having some yummy spot dogs to eat around a nice campfire, justified the means, which could include killing Ashes to keep them away from the fire. 

Ashes was starting to get a bit bored. They could appreciate that some of the more level headed members of the starship Aurora, (if any Mechanism could truly be described as level headed) had chosen to be on their team. Besides, their collective desire to make Jonny look like an idiot overpowered any impulse to cause trouble at this moment. However, this didn’t make for very interesting times once they were done setting up. 

Brian was grilling spotdogs, Ivy was reading her book, and Nastya was trying (in vain) to plug in some of the devices she had brought. Ashes sat in a corner, trying to find a way to scratch the itch of boredom that lingered at the edges of their mind. Their usual mode of entertainment, arson, was not an option here. One of the few rules Ashes and Jonny had agreed upon had been that they couldn’t actively sabotage each other’s campsites. And Ashes sure as hell wasn’t gonna burn down theirs, as fun as that would be. No, it wasn’t worth the humiliation of having to call Jonny “Captain” for two weeks. Ashes was about to despair when Brian called for everyone to come get spotdogs. As Ashes walked towards the fire, they saw Toy Soldier enter the campsite. They decided to go and talk to it after getting spotdogs. It had to be more entertaining than what was happening at the firepit. 

\---

The Toy Soldier was having a jolly good time! It hadn’t been forced to choose a side, which was nice because it would’ve been hard to choose between its friends! When everyone had left the ship to go set up, Toy Soldier had decided to do a bit of exploring first. It had never been on this moon before! 

As it was wandering, iIt was by a lovely coincidence that the Toy Soldier found Ashes’ campsite! In the opinion of the Toy Soldier, it looked as neat and tidy as a campsite should. It smelled the scent of freshly cooked spot dogs roasting over a fire as it walked further into the camp. It could pretend to smell, and thought the smell to be quite good. It finally found the source, a fire with Ashes, Brian, Ivy, and Nastya sat around it. It seemed a bit awkward, as no one was really talking to each other yet! Well, the Toy Soldier could fix that! It turned it’s gaze to Ashes first, who surprisingly looked a bit lonely. They seemed to be getting up to get some spotdogs when the Toy Soldier went over to them.

“Hello There Old Chap! You Look A Bit Lonely!” the Toy Soldier exclaimed as it popped up behind Ashes. 

Ashes jumped a bit, but the replied, “Fuck, TS, give me some warning. Hi. What the hell are you doing here?”

“To Be With My Friends! Why Is No One Talking To Each Other?”

Ashes sighed, and replied, “Dunno. I think when we all get those spotdogs, things’ll heat up. We can’t really cause trouble, since we have to beat Jonny and all”

The Toy Soldier thought for a moment for a non destructive way to have some fun. Those narrowed down the options to only a few, but it did leave one open.

“Why Not Roast Some Marshmallows? That Way, You Can Burn Things Without Burning Down Camp!”

“Huh, that’s...actually a great idea.” Ashes replied, happy surprise taking over their face. “We could have a marshmallow roasting contest...damn that would be fun. Thanks, TS.”

“Anything For You, My Friend!”

Ashes and the Toy Soldier walked over to the fire together, smiles dancing on their faces. 

\---

As Ashes and Toy Soldier walked over, the other members of Ashes’ team gathered around the fire for spotdogs and marshmallows. Everyone was finally starting to warm up to each other. Ivy was talking to Nastya about the proper way to roast a marshmallow. 

“If you hold the marshmallow over the fire here, turning it every thirty seconds, for five minutes, there is a 95% chance that you will have a perfectly cooked, golden marshmallow” Ivy explained to Nastya.

“Why does it matter what color the marshmallow is?” Nastya shot back. She still didn’t understand the appeal of a marshmallow.

“So that it’s at the right temperature for optimal gooeyness, while still retaining its shape and taste,” Ivy replied.

Nastya sighed, but tried to roast her marshmallow in the way Ivy had told her to. Ivy was rarely wrong after all. 

Meanwhile, Ashes was burning their marshmallows with a fury rarely seen when it came to marshmallow roasting. They stuck their marshmallows into the fire and watched the flames consume them until they were nothing but sugary ash. Only then would Ashes pop them in their mouth.

“Ashes, would it kill you to actually roast a marshmallow in a regular way?” Nastya snarked at Ashes. She had never roasted marshmallows before tonight, but even she knew that Ashes was clearly doing it wrong. 

“Yup. I like mine nice and crispy,” Ashes replied, accentuating their point by popping a completely burned marshmallow into their mouth. 

“Ashes, there is a 77% chance that you would enjoy the taste of marshmallows more if you actually roasted them instead of burning them” Ivy interjected. 

“Why should I actually roast them, again? Never done it before, so why start now?”

At this point, Brian stepped in. He saw an argument brewing, and as the prescribed “dad friend” of the crew, he decided to prevent a shootout. If everyone argued, it could lead them to losing the challenge. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Maybe you guys could have a marshmallow roasting contest? That way, you can settle this once and for all.” Peacefully, he echoed in his head with much exasperation. 

Surprisingly, Ashes took the bait.

“Sure, why not. But who would judge?” they asked. 

“I Can Judge!” The Toy Soldier offered ecstatically, once again popping out of wherever it had been. Everyone but Ashes jumped a bit, as they’d all had no idea that the Toy Soldier was around.

“Sure, TS, you can judge.” Brian responded kindly. He had a particular soft spot for the little wooden soldier. Non-human Mechanisms needed to stick together, after all. 

As the roasting contest got underway, the Toy Soldier remarked aloud, “I wonder if Jonny’s team is having as much fun as we are!”

\---

Jonny’s team was fucking miserable. Their tent had almost collapsed a grand total of ten times now, and all efforts to start a proper fire had failed. 

“Jonny, I think we need more kindling for the fire before we use another match,” Marius suggested as Jonny tried to, once again, strike a match and light the pile of large sticks in front of him.

“Shut up, Marius” Jonny muttered darkly to himself as he worked. Ashes made burning things look so goddamn easy.

“Fine. You fuckers are on your own firewise.” Marius walked away from the fire to sit with Tim and Raphaella. Tim had brought his guitar, and was tuning it as Marius walked over. 

“Oh nice! Great idea, Tim, bringing the guitar. We should play some camp songs, liven this place up!”

As Marius got out his violin, Jonny glared at the two of them. 

“I swear if you guys make this a fucking sing along.” Jonny declared, with a hint of a threat lurking beneath. 

Marius and Tim looked at each other with shit eating grins, their resolve to sing annoying camp songs infinitely increased. 

With Tim on guitar and Marius on violin, they sang songs about great old fires, crushed bumblebees, and drowned children. They were all tunes originally meant for children, handpicked to annoy Jonny. However, the lyrics of these songs didn’t change much as they sang them, which says a lot about the types of songs people let children sing. Raph joined in as well, contributing a truly messed up song about a creature in a forest kidnapping children. 

Jonny would’ve shot all of them if he had thought there was some way to do it without being killed. If he was killed, he’d lose the challenge, and there was too much on the line to give up now. So the most he could do as he set up the fire was shoot them dirty looks that promised of later violence. 

Little did Jonny and his team know their meagre efforts would go to a complete waste

\---

The Toy Soldier did not leave Ashes’ camp out of boredom. Things had gotten very exciting indeed. The marshmallow contest, rather than cool things down between the team, only heated things up. Ashes, Ivy, and Nastya sat around the fire intently roasting their marshmallows, all of them determined to win. Somehow, all three contestants had figured out how to make marshmallow roasting, the most lowkey activity ever invented, competitive. 

The Toy Soldier and Brian sat in the corner watching. Brian had already roasted a few marshmallows, and was now enjoying some spsmores (space smores). The Toy Soldier couldn’t eat, but it could certainly pretend. It pretended to eat a marshmallow, and pretended that it found it very tasty. 

However, there had been a fight between Nastya and Ivy, with the former being stabbed in the side with a very hot and sharp marshmallow stick. All of the ensuing violence had reminded the Toy Soldier of the other team, who were usually active participants in this kind of brawl. So as the fight raged on, the Toy Soldier gave a cheerful farewell, and went off to find Jonny’s camp. 

As the Toy Soldier walked through the forest, it could tell a storm was brewing. It seemed headed for the general direction the Toy Soldier knew that Jonny’s camp was in. It wondered if Jonny had a fire or a tent set up yet. Despite his boasts, the Toy Soldier knew firsthand how bad Jonny was at setting up camp. They had fought in many wars together, and while Jonny was a ferocious fighter, he wasn’t as proficient at other aspects of war. 

The Toy Soldier’s suspicions were confirmed when it got to Jonny’s camp. By now, the storm had escalated to a heavy rain, with thunderclaps echoing loudly in the distance. Jonny and his team were huddled under their ragged tent, most of them soaked to the bone. The only one who wasn’t wet was Raphaella, who had smartly shielded herself with her wings when the storm began. 

“Cheerio, everyone! How are you enjoying this camping trip?” The Toy Soldier asked brightly when it finally approached the tent. 

“Shut up, TS.” Jonny replied darkly. His whole body was soaked to the bone, his hair flattened against his face. He looked like a cat that had been dropped unexpectedly into a bathtub. 

“I happen to be enjoying myself very much. Thanks for dropping by, TS!” Raphaella cut in, shooting the Toy Soldier a smile.

“Figures the one who’s dry is enjoying herself” Tim shot back. 

It was when the team broke out into arguments that the Toy Soldier left Jonny’s camp. It mindlessly wandered the forest, trying to find a way to stop the fighting. It saw that its friends were having a rough time, and wanted to make it better. But what could it do?

The answer to that problem came in the form of a small little cry that came from a small bush nearby. The Toy Soldier walked over to the bush and peered inside, finding a small bear cub inside.

“Ah Yes! A Friend!” The Toy Soldier exclaimed as it lifted the bear cub out of the bush. It held the bear cub like a small child. The bear cub would be the perfect thing to cheer everyone up! The Toy Soldier knew that Tim in particular had a very soft spot for small animals. The sheer number of octokittens aboard the Aurora proved that. 

As the Toy Soldier skipped back to Jonny’s camp, it wondered if maybe this little bear would fit in with the plethora of creatures aboard the Aurora. 

\---

Marius was miserable, soaked to the bone under a torn tent while Tim, Jonny, and Raph were fighting. This in itself was not unusual. The scenario of a bunch of murderous space pirates confined to one (still big, but not nearly big enough) spaceship was not conducive to a very agreeable environment. Not a day went by that someone wasn’t shot over some petty disagreement. 

However, the usual way that disagreements were solved (read: shooting) could not be deployed in this scenario, as it would cause Jonny’s team to lose the challenge, as Jonny would almost certainly get shot. While the stakes for Marius weren’t nearly as high as they were for Jonny, he knew if he lost that he’d get never ending shit for it. 

Marius wracked his brain for a potential way to bring down tensions. He thought about singing some more violent camp songs. As funny as that would be though, it would make Jonny even more mad than he already was, which was the last thing everyone needed at this moment. Another potential solution would possibly be marshmallow roasting, but looking at the nonexistent state of the fire at this moment, that was also a no go. 

It was at the moment that it looked like Tim was about to shoot Jonny that the Toy Soldier returned to the campsite. Marius sighed in relief. Maybe everyone could direct their anger at TS instead. As soon as Marius’ relief came, though, it vanished when he saw what TS was holding.

“Friends! I Have Brought Another Friend!” The Toy Soldier announced happily.

“TS, what do you have with you?” Marius asked, trying to mask his panic.

“A Bear Cub!” The Toy Soldier replied cheerfully.

“Toy Soldier, no!” Tim, Jonny, and Marius shouted at the same time.

“Oh my fucking stars, why does TS have a bear cub!” Raph asked at the edge of laughter.

“You seem to be entertained by this, Raph” Jonny barked at Raphaella furiously. “That thing probably has a fucking mom, you know that right? What happens if it finds the camp?”

“Oh shit,” Raphaella replied. 

As if the conversation had summoned it, a large bear entered the campsite. It did not look happy. It growled, and prowled around looking for its cub. Most reasonable people would have run by now to avoid getting brutally mauled. However, the Mechanisms were not reasonable, and it was debatable whether they were people in the first place. 

Marius stood up to confront the beast.“Hey now, we don’t want any violence, we’ll give you your cub back, right?” he declared with more confidence than he felt.

He gestured for the Toy Soldier to bring him the cub, but the Toy Soldier just clutched to the bear cub tighter. It looked up at Marius with what could be described as puppy dog eyes. 

“Shit, TS, we gotta give it back. In any other scenario I would absolutely let you keep that bear cub, but we have to win this challenge or we’ll never hear the end of it” Marius begged. 

However, the Toy Soldier refused to give up the bear cub, holding it even tighter.

Marius sighed. It looked like he and the others, like Hereward, were gonna have to fight a bear.

\---

Chaos reigned at Jonny’s camp. Marius was actively wrestling a bear to the ground with the help of Raphaella.

“Marius, on your right!” Raphaella cried as the bear took a swipe at Marius. She was hovering above the scene in an attempt to try and get onto the bear and fight it bucking bronco style.

Marius had been fighting against the bear’s left claw, and ducked at the swipe that the bear took at him with its right one. He then decided to try and subdue the bear from the back. He would usually just shoot the damn thing, but there was a chance he could miss and hit Jonny, thus losing the challenge. That was a risk he wasn’t willing to take. Besides, fighting a bear was by far the most entertaining thing that had happened that night. 

“Thanks for the catch, Raph!” Marius yelled back at Raph as he headed for the back of the beast.

Meanwhile, in the corner, the Toy Soldier and Tim cooed over the bear cub that was struggling in the soldier’s arms. 

“Do You Think This Bear Cub Would Get Along With The Octokittens?” The Toy Soldier asked Tim with pleading in its voice.

“Not sure, honestly. But chances are that one of them’s getting eaten,” Tim replied thoughtfully. 

“So We Can’t Bring It Back To The Aurora?” The Toy Soldier replied, its voice dropping sadly.

Tim was about to comfort the Toy Soldier when a large explosion sounded from the edge of camp.

\---

During the bear fight, Jonny had decided to step away. As much as he longed to be involved in the battle against the bear, he knew that the chances of him getting mauled were a bit too high. He had gotten too far to get killed now. He needed to beat Ashes. 

However, the frustration of the night boiled through his veins. Insubordinate teammates, shitty tents, and just knowing that Ashes and their team were probably doing amazingly filled Jonny with white hot anger. He needed to let all of that anger out, somehow. 

Through all the chaos of the bear fight, the storm had still raged, now accentuated with even louder thunderclaps. In an obscene act of hubris, Jonny D’ville looked up to the sky, and cried:

“I bet you’re gonna strike me down, huh? Cause if you are, just do it! I bet you don’t have the ba-”

Jonny had been cut off by the world punishing him with a bolt of lightning, hitting him square in an act of practically divine fury. 

However, Jonny and his team did not lose the challenge, as Ashes died at the same moment.

\---

Things were not going more smoothly at Ashes’s camp. While there was no bear to fight, there was plenty of violence to be found among the crewmates. Nastya had been stabbed with a very hot and sharp marshmallow stick through the side, with quicksilver immediately gushing through the wound. 

Nastya was not easy to anger. She would usually roll with the crew’s (literal) punches pretty easily. However, when Nastya was angry, universe help whoever provoked her. And at this point, Nastya became very, very angry. 

Nastya removed the stick from her side, and immediately attempted to stab Ivy with it too. Instead, Ivy dodged the attack, and it landed in the fire. Undeterred, Nastya lunged for the now burning stick. In her desire to stab Ivy, Nastya hadn’t noticed that an ember from the stick flew off of it and caught on a few fallen leaves. Those fallen leaves started to burn, and the fire from them spread.

As the forest started to burn, the fighting became more and more intense. Brian had gotten involved, the ends of trying to get some goddamn peace and quiet justifying the means of killing his teammates if necessary.

In the commotion, in a lunge meant for Nastya, Ivy stabbed her marshmallow stick clean through Ashes’ heart. 

“Oh shit” Ivy whispered in dread. 

They could all hear the faint crack of a lightning strike at the moment Ashes died. The last words Ashes got out before they died were:

“You fucker.”

\---

Brian called for the Aurora as both teams packed up their camps. The Toy Soldier had gone to Ashes’ camp to tell them they had won the challenge after Jonny’s death, only to find Ashes dead as well. When Ashes’ team found out how Jonny died, they groaned. Somehow, both team captains had died at the same exact time.

“Fucking figures. Neither of them can just lose a bet,” Tim complained.

After all the equipment and dead bodies had been hauled back onto the Aurora, the still living teammates had to decide how the bet would be resolved before Ashes and Jonny regenerated.

“I think Jonny won the bet, as he didn’t get killed by one of their own teammates” Raphaella declared. “He did get hit by a bolt of lightning, but that isn’t exactly his fault.”

“He still died though. Fucker should lose the bet,” Nastya replied. Her wound hadn’t fully healed yet, and a murderous glare was displayed clearly on her face. She was not amused.

Brian already saw a potential argument brewing. And as the challenge was over, it could get seriously bloody with no resolution. After a night of conflict, Brian couldn’t tolerate any more. He stepped between the two teams, who were standing on two separate sides of the common room. 

“As Ashes, our quartermaster, isn’t around to settle this dispute. I’m stepping in,” Brian declared. “As the ethical authority on this ship, how about this: both teams win the bet, but both team captains lose the bet. That way, everyone who survived gets to boast about winning, and the assholes who started this whole mess in the first place get punished accordingly. That good?”

Both sides nodded in agreement. Tensions relaxed, and everyone caught each other up on the wild exploits of their camping adventure as they waited for Jonny and Ashes to wake up.

\---

When Ashes and Jonny finally regenerated, the terms of the bet’s solution were explained to them. They were both forced at gunpoint to agree with them.

And so, the bet concluded with Jonny going beltless for two weeks, and Ashes having to call Jonny “Captain” for the same amount of time.

Whenever Ashes saw Jonny around during that time, they would flag him down and greet him with, “Nice to see you, you beltless fucker,” with a satisfied grin on their face. 

“That’s Captain beltless fucker to you,” Jonny would reply with an equally satisfied grin on his face.

At this point, Ashes would sigh, and reply, “Fine. Awful to see you, Captain beltless fucker.”

“That’s more I like it. You still up for another round of cards, you asshole?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed that!! it was insanely fun for me to write, so i win regardless lmao. if you want to, id love to hear your thoughts in the comments!!! comments are my goddamn lifeblood, even if its just an "lmao" it would make my goddamn day!!!
> 
> thank you for reading, and i hope the rest of your day/night is lovely!


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